Sex

 … with a sexwriting Instructor

“The fingers went under the elastic of the panties moan moan moan moan moan went Hoyt as he slithered slithered slithered slithered and caress caress caress caress went the fingers until they must be only eighths of inches from the border of her pubic hair — what’s that!” This was a very good example of very bad sex writing offered by novelist and teacher Yael Goldstein Love in a recent class, Writing Sex Scenes, at Boston’s Grub Street. I’m not sure my piece about a black hooker having sex on an egomaniacal artist’s painting was much better, but I had to take this class. Goldstein Love, who teaches everyone from future novelists to former nuns, says writing sex scenes can have therapeutic value in a society that’s still embarrassed by the S word. (And I don’t mean slither.)

Q: So how did you get into teaching writing sex scenes?
A: I was trying to think about something that would be fun [as a Grub Street writing class] for Valentine’s Day. First I was thinking things that couples could do together, and then I was thinking, you know, everyone is really confused about how to write sex scenes. So I thought it might be fun to give it a try. And it was really popular and so much fun that I thought I’d do it more regularly.

Q: What types of people take your classes?
A: It doesn’t seem like there is much of a type. Some people are professional writers. Some people are just starting out. In the first class there was a former nun who was writing her memoirs. She left being a nun, so I think some sex was probably involved!

Q: Do you think you have to be having good sex, or have had good sex, in order to effectively write about it?
A: I was going to say that you have to have had good sex to write about good sex. But I’m really not sure that’s true. You had to have had some positive sexual experiences to write about positive sexual experiences, or any kind of good sex. But I think they could be solo and still sort of translate into, “Well, this is what I imagine it would be like to have great sex with a partner.” I think if you’ve never had a good orgasm in your life, you probably can’t write very well about good sex scenes.

Q: So is that a prerequisite for the class?
A: That would be cruel! I don’t want to punish anyone for their unfortunate position.

Q: What are your favorite literary sex scenes?
A: I love, love, love the library sex scene in Atonement. It’s so vivid. I love the sex scene in Beloved. That one’s not particularly titillating. It wasn’t the description of the sex that made it sexy. It was a description of all these things surrounding the sexual experience that actually gave you that sexy feeling.

Q: How about a best bad sex scene?
A: Another Ian McEwan book, On Chesil Beach. There’s a painfully great bad sex scene. It’s aborted sex. This woman who’s terrified of sex, it’s her wedding night, and you see her get this little shiver of sexual excitement and then it goes horribly wrong and they never consummate. It’s a little bit tormenting, but really excellent.

Q: In class, you mentioned a literary award for the worst sex scenes. What are those called?
A: The Bad Sex Scene Awards. It’s a list put out by the Literary Review in England.

Q: Are there authors who made that list that would surprise people?
A: They won’t pick on some poor, obscure guy. It’s only ever the biggies that they choose — so everyone on that list you’re shocked to see — Salman Rushdie, John Updike, Philip Roth, Julia Glass. Almost anyone who is in the public eye has probably made it on there at some point or another.

Q: What do you think about erotica as opposed to your typical trashy supermarket romance novel?
A: I find erotica very interesting, theoretically speaking. I think I’ve always started off the course talking about the difference between pornography and good sex writing. Erotica really messes that up because there’s some really good writing in erotica, but it does all the things that I say pornography does. This is not what sex writing does. The goal [of erotica] is to turn you on; the goal is the sex.

Q: Are there certain words you suggest people avoid in their sex writing?
A: Yes! The word “throbbing,” at all costs. “Moan” is a word to avoid. I think “groan,” not as bad as moan, but probably to be avoided. Depending on what mood you want to set and what your characters are like, I think it’s probably best to avoid “penis” and “vagina.” They tend to sound very clinical and/or like sexed class. And all euphemisms. I think my favorites were “flesh kabob” and “pleasure tunnel.” You can use these to great comic effect. But if you’re not trying to be funny, don’t use euphemisms.

Q: Do you think there’s a therapeutic value in writing about sex?
A: There’s still this temptation in our culture to think that there’s something shameful about sexual urges and sexual thoughts, even though we get all sorts of messages that say there’s nothing shameful about it. Getting over that sense that there’s something shameful, putting it down on paper, sharing it with people, laughing over it with people goes a long way toward feeling like there’s nothing shameful about this. We’re all having these thoughts. And actually a big part of the richness of life is having these sort of thoughts and having these sort of reactions. The erotic is just one more way we react to the world.

Q: Do you think that Sex and the City has done anything positive to change how people perceive writing about sex?
A: I do think that the show did do some good work in terms of allowing people to be a little more explicit in their sex writing. People seem a little less inhibited. And I do think it has something to do with that show and other cultural outgrowths of that show. Female sexuality seems less of a taboo topic and less of something to recoil from.

Q: How does your own relationship influence your sex writing?
A: Certainly what kind of sex scene I write has very little to do with how my sex life is going at the moment, just because I write fiction. But I have found that my sex life vastly improved when I met my husband just because he’s a wonderful partner. And I think my sex scenes have improved as well, because I have a wider variety of experiences and a deeper well of pleasure to cull from.

Q: Speaking of bad euphemisms!
A: Nooooo! Gee, I wasn’t even thinking about that one!

Jeannie Greeley is a freelance writer who still needs some sexual healing after this therapeutic class. She can be reached at jeannieg@comcast.net. Find out more about Yael Goldstein Love at her website, www.yaelgoldsteinlove.com, and keep an eye out for upcoming sex-writing classes at www.grubstreet.org.