She had searched the bars. She had haunted the nightclubs. All the while, a toxic relationship plagued her every move. After years of spiraling downward into debauchery, my longtime friend finally hit rock bottom and wound up in jail. Never did she imagine that this hellhole would become her haven, the place where she’d meet the girl she now calls her soulmate. This is one woman’s story of personal triumph in the face of fat, scary drug addicts in muumuus. (Both women’s names have been changed; we’ll call them Violet and Corky, in a nod to a lesbian ex-con made famous by Gina Gershon.)
Q: How did you end up in prison?
A: I had two DUIs when I was younger and, because of Melanie’s Law, when I got another one when I was 35, that was counted as my third. I was facing six months to two and a half years in prison.
Q: What’s your sexual orientation?
A: Gay.
Q: What were your thoughts about heading to the Framingham women’s prison?
A: I was petrified. I thought I was going to get killed. I’m 103 pounds with a lot of hair. As soon as I walked in, they make you bend over and cough because everybody sneaks drugs in through their assholes. And they ask you what kind of birth control you’re on. And I said, “I don’t use birth control.” [The correctional officer] said, “What do you use?” And I said, “Women.” And she said, “Welcome home!”
Q: Is there a distinction between women who are openly gay and women who are just gay for their prison stint?
A: The expression is “Gay for the stay; straight for the gate.”
Q: How did people view you when you entered?
A: Considering the women who are in jail, I was like a runway model out of Milan.
Q: And we know that’s not true.
A: Please. I want to go back. I’ve never gotten more attention in my life!
Q: Everyone talks about the sexual hierarchy in male prisons, with certain inmates becoming the “bitches” of other inmates. Is there something similar with women?
A: There’s the “house mouse,” which is the girl on your block that you fuck around with. But you have a girlfriend outside. So when you’re out in the yard, you have a regular girl. But when you go back into wherever your block is, you have a “house mouse.”
Q: How do you meet people?
A: You go to the yard, you go to AA, you go to church. If you went to church, you went to go meet your girlfriend, mostly. They’d say, “Right now, if you’re here to meet your girlfriend, you are condemned to hell.” Meanwhile everyone’s holding hands under the table. The big thing is everybody writes journals. So in between movements you would write your girlfriend a journal and you would hand that to her, and then she would write back to you.
Q: Did it ever cross your mind that you might hook up with someone in prison?
A: Are you crazy?
Q: Well, you were a little desperate.
A: I would have sent you flowers first. I think I did. You make them out of Jolly Ranchers.
Q: You make flowers out of Jolly Ranchers?
A: You bake them in the microwave, then melt them and shape them into flowers.
Q: Tell me how you met Violet.
A: I was at [Women in Transition in Salisbury], and we had to go to community service together and pick up trash on the highway. She switched her days — her trash day was Wednesday and mine was Friday. We started talking. She knew I was gay. She was clearly gay. I thought she was attractive. So I figured I’ve got six months, I might as well flirt. We were on the community-service bus and I got caught stripping for her. I got caught grinding on her.
Q: So by this point, you’ve been in for about three months. You must have been horny as hell.
A: Not really; you’re in jail. You want to kill yourself. I mean, yeah, I rubbed a few out. And I was hoping the cameras were watching. But who could? I was in a room with Shaniqua, Marlena, and I don’t even know the other one’s name. The bed shakes, someone’s underneath you. The other one’s eating a chicken she snuck out of Market Basket. No, it wasn’t working for me. Violet bought me a pedicure kit and I practically sanded my clit off with it. And then the corrections officer came out and goes, “What is this?” And he put it up to his face and said, “You can’t be using these facial things!”
Q: So you were together the whole time at WIT. Were you able to have sex there?
A: No. It was the most communicative relationship I’ve ever been in. It was a lot of dirty talk on the phone. When she left WIT she went to a sober house, so we could have phone sex. We talked every 10 seconds. Our phone bill was $3000.
Q: So she got out before you? What happened then?
A: She was out and her cell phone dropped in a tub. So she couldn’t call me, so I started panicking because I thought she was getting high. She’s out. I’m in. I said to [a fellow inmate], “Call Violet and find out what’s going on.” [The inmate] hands me the phone through the window, and you’re not allowed to use cell phones. So I went back [to Framingham].
Q: You told me about a cycle of re-offending in order for lovers to be together. What is that all about?
A: “My time is your time.” People fall in love and they’ll go back [for each other]. There’s this girl Sam and this other girl who is going to hairdressing school while she’s in there. She got let out and she missed her girlfriend so much that she went out and stole a TV and just stood outside of Wal-Mart until they came and picked her up. It happens all the time.
Q: Is this what happened with you and Violet?
A: She admitted alcohol use. Her probation stipulation was she couldn’t do drugs. The problem was she was in a sober house, and she broke sober house rules, not probation.
Q: So Violet came back in and what had happened while she was away?
A: She got my name tattooed on her arm. I almost shit my pants. I haven’t had a second date in three years.
Q: So then you got out and Violet was still in. When did she finally get out?
A: Yesterday. She moved in. In two weeks it’ll be one year [together]. Last night was the first night we’ve ever slept in bed all night together.
Q: How do you think finding each other has affected your behavior since prison?
A: I learned a very valuable lesson. She met me at my bottom and she saw my black. So every day it just gets better. There’s nothing to hide.
Q: So now what?
A: I’ll marry her. I’m all done. I’ve never been more physically or emotionally attracted to anyone in my life.
Q: Any last advice for people in desperate situations who are looking for love…
A: ... in all the wrong places? I mean, I wouldn’t go smoke crack or suck dick or stick a needle in my arm to find love. Please, I couldn’t get laid in a lesbian whorehouse with a fistful of hundreds prior to jail. But look at me now. I’m a hot commodity! Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie got nothing on me.
Jeannie Greeley is a freelance writer who performs full cavity searches. She can be reached at jeannieg@comcast.net. The ex-con is now hard at work on a one-woman show about this experience. Contact Jeannie to learn more.
